12:51
by tecky.06
Summary: It's been two years since that day in the choir room. Now I see her sitting outside a coffee shop looking better than ever. I've moved on, or that's what I thought.


**This just popped into my head while I was listening to a song. It's pretty short. What do you guys think? The song is called 12:51 by Krissy and Ericka.**

**I don't own Glee or the song, just my random imaginations XD**

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Sometimes we think about the decisions we made and think where would we be now if we chose different. Would we find ourselves in a better state or worse? Would we be happier? Would we be miserable? My mind drifts off to them, especially when I'm lying in my bed remembering the memories even if they were very simple. It's like a chain of emotions, leading one to another. At first I just reminisce, happy, and then I become sad to angry to depressed. Or maybe it's just my bipolar ways.

Sometimes we think of the silly decisions we made and feel embarrassed about our stupidity. But everyone has their embarrassing moments. Even though those moments look pretty harmless, do you think your life would be different if you hadn't made those decisions that leaded up to that situation. Mine was pretty stupid.

Like really stupid. Stupidest thing I ever did.

I don't know why I decided to do what I did. Every time I think back to that day, which I always do, I want to go all Lima Heights on my ass. I mean, how could I be so stupid to end something we've been working so hard on just for an exchange of energy (or whatever I said) with another girl? Now, I'm lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling thinking about the day I really hate.

The day I broke both of our hearts.

The day I sang to you in the choir room. The day I told you about what I felt in the library. The long distance relationship wasn't working. We were growing apart. So I broke it off so we didn't end up really hurting lose our trust with each other. Believe me; I never wanted to end what we had. It felt like the best thing to do. The grown up, mature thing to do. But my decision made me do what I never wanted to do to you. Make you cry. If I had a dollar for every time I think about punching myself for what I did to you, I'd be a rich woman. The 'what if' started to plague my mind. What if I didn't break up with her? Would she be with me right now? Would she be right here, lying down, sharing this big lonely and cold bed with me? If we hadn't broke up, how long will our relationship last before we completely fell apart. Would we really fall apart?

What if tried harder?

That was the biggest mistake in my life.

Not trying hard enough for you. It's funny when you come to think of it, I told you that I'd do anything for you but I didn't work hard enough. That question will continue to haunt me.

I missed your silly ways. I miss your random one-lines that throw me off-guard and make me laugh. I miss the ways your brow furrows when you can't understand something. Your smile. Your beautiful eyes that I always seem to get lost into. Your eyes have this effect on me. Every time I look into those oceans of blue, my body calms down. I miss watching you dance. The way you get lost into the music is so hypnotizing I can watch you dance forever. I miss the times when we lie on your bed and you take the position as the big spoon. Everybody thinks I wear the pants but what they don't know is that I can be more of a softie than you. Plus I love the way you treat me with the utmost respect. I miss the freckles that sprinkle around your face though you don't really like them. We would lie down with our faces close and I would try counting all of the freckles. I miss your carefree laugh, especially when you would laugh at me because I lost count of your freckles and I would have to start over again. I miss the kisses we share. I miss the way we would make love to each other. Heck, I even miss that fat cat of yours, Lord Tubbington. Now don't make an excuse that he's just big boned, he's just really really fat, and his belly could make a good pillow. But most importantly, I miss you.

New York is a big place. Different faces every day, different stuff to do to keep myself busy. I moved here after the first year in college and I'm now attending in NYU. It's been two years since that dreadful day in the choir room. Two whole years thinking about the "what ifs" in our filed relationship. Two years thinking that I was over you.

But I was wrong.

I saw you today. You were sitting at one of the coffee shops near campus. I noticed that you were wearing an NYU hoodie. I'm guessing you go to school there too. I'm proud of you for getting in to NYU. See? Who said you had to believe in what people said about you in high school. Your hair was down and golden locks flowed to the middle of your back. But what I didn't notice was that you were sitting with someone. It wasn't until you throw your head back in laugher and scrunching your cute nose in the process that I saw Sam sitting opposite you looking at you with complete adoration. Even after two years you still manage to catch my attention and leave everybody melts into to background. Fish lips said something making you chuckle. You punched him lightly in the arm and he feigns hurt. He said something again before standing up and placing a soft peck on your lips before heading inside the café. A pang of jealousy flowed through my body. But it was soon replaced with guilt. Guilt of thinking of going straight to where you two were and telling guppy face to fuck off and find something else to suck on. Maybe a baby's head? But who am I to say such things? I was the one who didn't try hard enough and broke up with you.

I didn't think that it would hurt this much, seeing you with him. Or seeing you with anybody else except me. It's selfish of me to think that way, I know. I've over estimate my power and now I'm hurt like never before.

You lifted your head and blue orbs stared straight into my brown ones. At first you she stared at me wide eyed, can't help thinking if it was me or just a look alike. I gave her a small smile and the realisation graced her features. She knows it was me. I saw something flash through her eyes but I didn't know what it was. Before she could say 'hi' I walked away and headed back to my apartment.

And now I'm here. Lying alone on my cold bed. Thinking about you, our past and what I just experienced a while ago. You've moved on but I'm not that strong. I sighed. I looked at my alarm clock on the bedside table. It's 12:51. You've moved on and I'm still here dwelling on the past.

The moon will be gone and the sun will shine and it will be new day. A day that may be full of surprises. A day where we don't know what life has in store for us but we can plan what we want do. I think 720.91 days is enough for mourning about the past. What's done is done and tomorrow will be the day. The day were I start to move on and completely let you go.

It's 12:51.

And it's time you prove you, everyone and especially me that I'm so much stronger.


End file.
